You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
