He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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