dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
