Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
