I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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