there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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