Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Randomize
