omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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