i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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