I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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