Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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