I think I died a long time ago.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
