so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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