You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I look better un-naked...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
