Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
