Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
