He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
