I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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