you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
