No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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