the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize