Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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