Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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