i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
