After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
