I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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