Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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