Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
