So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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