He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
