we have officially lost it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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