:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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