Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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