She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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