he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
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I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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