my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
