I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
