Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
