i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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