The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
