So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
