This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
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I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
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and you fell through a lawn chair
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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