i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
