The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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