You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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