I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
