brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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