people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
