Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
