that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
