woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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