the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
