The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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