it wasn't lemon gatorade
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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