Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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