I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
