I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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