Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How naked do you want me to be?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
