If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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