We won't sleep together?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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