In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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