hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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