The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
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I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
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Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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