Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
