Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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