Umm I'm too high to move.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
