is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize