This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
