dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
