Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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