I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
