just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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