Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
