Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
