And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
