i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
