i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
