evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
