If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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