I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Randomize
