I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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