I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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