At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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