dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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