My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
