would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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